Say NO to fair-weather friends
Have you ever felt drained after speaking to a particular friend? Have you had a problem that you wanted to discuss with a friend but she/he tells you, “I am so busy to help you”?
Have you ever just needed a shoulder to cry on, and found that the person you most care about, is unconcerned about your emotional needs?
Well, I once argued with someone that I thought was a good friend. I only realized that she was not after she refused to visit me when I was in the hospital simply because she was going to a birthday party and had no time to spend with me. Her attitude of unconcern for me while I was hurting, made me see her as the fair weather friend that she really is.
For those who may not know it, a fair weather friend is someone who is your ‘friend’ only when things are going well. When the storms of life hit or when things go wrong, these people are nowhere to be found.
My so-called friend only made contact me when she wants to borrow money or to tell me about her problems. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, she always did dramatically negative things in my life. She constantly used me for her own ends and has even given me fake advice. It took my hospital stay to wake me up that this person is NOT my friend.
This kind of fake friend usually has their own interest in their hearts and minds at all times. This so-called friend always left me stressed out and tired. I used to try to move away from her as I realised that our relationship was not positive. But, each time I pulled back, she came forward with smiles and good humour to assure me that we were great friends. I didn’t see through her act at first.
A friend has to act as a mirror sometimes, allowing you to talk openly and reveal yourself so that you can address your own concerns and worries, yet my friend never sat down with me to have a conversation (about me, not about herself!) to solve any of my concerns about life. Instead of solving the problem or correct me on whatever mistake I might have made, she kept on blaming me. A wise man once said; ‘only a true friend will tell you that your face is dirty, if it is dirty.’
Such a toxic friend can only concentrate on shortcomings. When I put on a new dress, she tells me I look terrible. I try on a new shoe and she declares that my choices are ‘old fashioned’.It was so strange that behind closed doors we were the best of pals, but when we are out and about with others around, somehow I didn’t fit in with her.
One day, we went for a night out, we had drinks and enjoyed the music. She drinks too much usually and when she is tipsy, she ends up dissing me. She even accused me one time of stealing her cell phone and money!
We all need real friends, not fair weather leeches. Friends should be honest and flexible and bring balance and strength when you are weak. Friends uplift each other and expose each other to the greater things of life.
Good friends share common goals; have similar values and interests. This does not mean there will be no arguments or disagreements. People who care about each other, sometimes disagree, but during the discord and when it is resolved, the friendship never weakens.
Now, I choose my friends more wisely and look for the signs of a fair weather friend. It is important to compare the qualities you want in a friend against the qualities your friend actually has. Don’t lie to yourself or make excuses for your supposed friend’s bad behaviour like I did. See what is happening for what it is. Fair weather friends make the storms of life even worse; run far and fast away from such people.
